Note: This is the first time I've woken up to a log I don't remember writing.
Liftoff was at 11:15- 11:20
11:30
A slight euphoria has been achieved. Not too much intereference in motor control or mental acuity. A little haStarted the officuaul ppy.
11':50
Attempted to perform penance to Kloud but it was strange. Not an action that as been done beforr.
11:53
12:00 approacjjes. This could be a 40 minute mark. This will get intense./
11"22.
full enforce. Auphoria obtained. Messe up motoral control. Reduced social skills. VERY reduced. Extreme lack of focus. This is the middle of the drive. Within an hour the medicine will begin to fade.
Fight, fight on.
20.4.12
17.4.12
April 16th, 2012
Monday night, April 16, 2012
Not dead.
I have a theory that the pills SEEM to be having less of an effect, but judging from my typing and memory it might be me getting used to the pill, instead of it being less effective, and paying less attention to the side effects.
Tonight I'm going to test this by writing this log again, for the first time in a while, and seeing tomorrow if it's any different in the mental and sensation decay from the other times.
11:35 Liftoff
Reminder to self: Take Melatonin at 2 am as bail-out.
It has been approximately one half hour since taking the melatonin. the "effect" usually hits me within ten, but I only feel the slight sensation that starts it. This was 3 pills. 30mg. If this does nothing at all, what am I going to do?
Beginning to feel effected. I know the usual strong side of the effect lasts for 2 hours, and we're 1/4 there. I... I may need to take more at once to achieve anything. This is the way addicts die, isn't it? Hahaha.
12:11
I'm going to use my vision of the wall behind the left monitor, and my typing abilities, to gauge how much it's effecting me. Wall is still a wall. Typing still priscine.
12:21
Starting to see typos. Wall still a wall.
12:34
Moderately effected. One hour in. one hour left? I think it was up to three hours. I know it has a twelve hour half life. Wall is still a wall. Typing still fine.
12:52
Effected, I can feel the sort of sensations that indicate it. I've taken a trazodone; this will kick me into sleep mode and prep me for the 2:00 bail out, but it provides a heightened sense of the usual Ambien experience. It is my own reactions I am testing. Wall is fine..ish. Little blurry. Typing speed is rough, but fast still and without too many errors. Going to eat some peppers to agitate the stomach, will lessen the effect of the trazadon.
1:05
I have just experieced hallucinations for the first time, I heard asound, and investigated, and found that thedog Trey was ine the hall.My desk is floatig vnacl admd fo toj. The wall goes on.. forever.
These hallucinations.. inanimate things move of their own accord. I suspect some of this is due a delirious effect, where my perception of the item warps rapidly, and in turn they make it seem tomove.
The dog is staying. It was a struggle. The string Queen did not was me toallow him to live. I.. swept my hand through these buildings of stright, thought.. because they weere not really there, you see.. they're thoughts. lines of tjough
it makes ddiffficult to speak. I am not in the level of under that I seethe hallway out of a wall, and thatthe amount of unconciosness I have i ] ]]]\\\\\ different
This is dagngerous. This decline of the tyoing skills comkes from an illusion? Bodt? Internal, external/
wgateve.]. Itd\s covering thr keys
It.. is ibn,, co=iontorl.'''''''''
Peopl ebesid em.. more later.
1:26
theoretically the experience ends now. But insteaad it gave me a brief high=- not the euphoria of original runes.
SAAnd now these illusions.. the dog does not react to them, which allows to prove they are ab ukkusion s imply by watching.q Ladies of Linework code, creatures of geometric shapes, build like an organic spaceship, plethora of leaves. It glided through.
Finally, finally, the... Web. Everything was built of it. The builfingf. Thr proplr. It waws so easy to just reach out abd ull away a clunp, /I knew it wasn;t really, wondered how I was seeing this.... I crushed it in my hans and a goop with all the characrtistics of dust came outLikr artificial dry linm but cihedive
I know it's fake. Seeing my fog turn into a dark creature with deeo red holes for eyes and ears.. I reched right past it and patted the dog, and the wholr tthing ftll apart.,,
1:40
My typing has become terrible, but it is not at Ambien Auphoria Peak. The back of te monitor is simply a blink abyss. almost there. And this thing has given no evidence of turning around.
God help me.
Starting to feel the heavy sensation, loss of control, altered perception.
Typing Skill at absolute work.Wall is wall.Undure of length of ;56567hallucinations
2:18 Bail-out detaind; must havr more information. the rocking has stopped. I am go to gowndstairs one last time and get a glass o chocolate milk
2: 57
Wchirbrf smpligirf govid OIt lookjd yrdddd... I brlirvr noe tgtom yjr tsyr og frvsu to ytjr tsyrt og mmrysnolidm.
bAIL OUR SUCCESSFUL
IN RAPOD MOMMENRS o SKA;; TP OMTP S;EP
BSO; POY TRDPTY IRRSAN
tere is ni vontainmrnt all toiu can do iwaslrrp slewpp slrrp slee-p
sleeep=
11:41 Am, April 17
After Action Report
Three pills did not seem to have much of an effect upon me for up to one and a half hours. Since the effect peaks after two, this means that the pills themselves are literally not doing the job as well as they used to. I may never experience Ambien euphoria again.
Upon mixing ambien with Trazadone, mindfuckery came in hard. Typing skills rapidly decreased, but with heavy awareness of it. Saw hallucinations, sensation decay, both inset rapidly within an hour. Trazodone is what causes this, then. But.. there was no euphoria. No pleasure. There is nothing to gain from this. No inherent pleasure in bad typing, or wonky movements. The hallucinations were fascinating, but the chance of creating an incident are too high, in addition to the loss of typing and mental acuity that would follow. Trazadone cannot be mixed with Ambien. It provides heavy delusional effects as I expected from Ambien, but no euphoria.
Ambien itself provides no effects. I could feel a sensation of it affecting me, but there was no decay in typing skills or sensation acuity. Must run this test again, WITHOUT corrupting it with Ambien.
However, I will take this test as proof for now that Ambien is in fact having less of an effect upon me. Three pills could not accomplish what two used to.
Not dead.
I have a theory that the pills SEEM to be having less of an effect, but judging from my typing and memory it might be me getting used to the pill, instead of it being less effective, and paying less attention to the side effects.
Tonight I'm going to test this by writing this log again, for the first time in a while, and seeing tomorrow if it's any different in the mental and sensation decay from the other times.
11:35 Liftoff
Reminder to self: Take Melatonin at 2 am as bail-out.
It has been approximately one half hour since taking the melatonin. the "effect" usually hits me within ten, but I only feel the slight sensation that starts it. This was 3 pills. 30mg. If this does nothing at all, what am I going to do?
Beginning to feel effected. I know the usual strong side of the effect lasts for 2 hours, and we're 1/4 there. I... I may need to take more at once to achieve anything. This is the way addicts die, isn't it? Hahaha.
12:11
I'm going to use my vision of the wall behind the left monitor, and my typing abilities, to gauge how much it's effecting me. Wall is still a wall. Typing still priscine.
12:21
Starting to see typos. Wall still a wall.
12:34
Moderately effected. One hour in. one hour left? I think it was up to three hours. I know it has a twelve hour half life. Wall is still a wall. Typing still fine.
12:52
Effected, I can feel the sort of sensations that indicate it. I've taken a trazodone; this will kick me into sleep mode and prep me for the 2:00 bail out, but it provides a heightened sense of the usual Ambien experience. It is my own reactions I am testing. Wall is fine..ish. Little blurry. Typing speed is rough, but fast still and without too many errors. Going to eat some peppers to agitate the stomach, will lessen the effect of the trazadon.
1:05
I have just experieced hallucinations for the first time, I heard asound, and investigated, and found that thedog Trey was ine the hall.My desk is floatig vnacl admd fo toj. The wall goes on.. forever.
These hallucinations.. inanimate things move of their own accord. I suspect some of this is due a delirious effect, where my perception of the item warps rapidly, and in turn they make it seem tomove.
The dog is staying. It was a struggle. The string Queen did not was me toallow him to live. I.. swept my hand through these buildings of stright, thought.. because they weere not really there, you see.. they're thoughts. lines of tjough
it makes ddiffficult to speak. I am not in the level of under that I seethe hallway out of a wall, and thatthe amount of unconciosness I have i ] ]]]\\\\\ different
This is dagngerous. This decline of the tyoing skills comkes from an illusion? Bodt? Internal, external/
wgateve.]. Itd\s covering thr keys
It.. is ibn,, co=iontorl.'''''''''
Peopl ebesid em.. more later.
1:26
theoretically the experience ends now. But insteaad it gave me a brief high=- not the euphoria of original runes.
SAAnd now these illusions.. the dog does not react to them, which allows to prove they are ab ukkusion s imply by watching.q Ladies of Linework code, creatures of geometric shapes, build like an organic spaceship, plethora of leaves. It glided through.
Finally, finally, the... Web. Everything was built of it. The builfingf. Thr proplr. It waws so easy to just reach out abd ull away a clunp, /I knew it wasn;t really, wondered how I was seeing this.... I crushed it in my hans and a goop with all the characrtistics of dust came outLikr artificial dry linm but cihedive
I know it's fake. Seeing my fog turn into a dark creature with deeo red holes for eyes and ears.. I reched right past it and patted the dog, and the wholr tthing ftll apart.,,
1:40
My typing has become terrible, but it is not at Ambien Auphoria Peak. The back of te monitor is simply a blink abyss. almost there. And this thing has given no evidence of turning around.
God help me.
Starting to feel the heavy sensation, loss of control, altered perception.
Typing Skill at absolute work.Wall is wall.Undure of length of ;56567hallucinations
2:18 Bail-out detaind; must havr more information. the rocking has stopped. I am go to gowndstairs one last time and get a glass o chocolate milk
2: 57
Wchirbrf smpligirf govid OIt lookjd yrdddd... I brlirvr noe tgtom yjr tsyr og frvsu to ytjr tsyrt og mmrysnolidm.
bAIL OUR SUCCESSFUL
IN RAPOD MOMMENRS o SKA;; TP OMTP S;EP
BSO; POY TRDPTY IRRSAN
tere is ni vontainmrnt all toiu can do iwaslrrp slewpp slrrp slee-p
sleeep=
11:41 Am, April 17
After Action Report
Three pills did not seem to have much of an effect upon me for up to one and a half hours. Since the effect peaks after two, this means that the pills themselves are literally not doing the job as well as they used to. I may never experience Ambien euphoria again.
Upon mixing ambien with Trazadone, mindfuckery came in hard. Typing skills rapidly decreased, but with heavy awareness of it. Saw hallucinations, sensation decay, both inset rapidly within an hour. Trazodone is what causes this, then. But.. there was no euphoria. No pleasure. There is nothing to gain from this. No inherent pleasure in bad typing, or wonky movements. The hallucinations were fascinating, but the chance of creating an incident are too high, in addition to the loss of typing and mental acuity that would follow. Trazadone cannot be mixed with Ambien. It provides heavy delusional effects as I expected from Ambien, but no euphoria.
Ambien itself provides no effects. I could feel a sensation of it affecting me, but there was no decay in typing skills or sensation acuity. Must run this test again, WITHOUT corrupting it with Ambien.
However, I will take this test as proof for now that Ambien is in fact having less of an effect upon me. Three pills could not accomplish what two used to.
6.4.12
A Period of Time, 2012
NOTE TO SELF: FUCKING FINISH THIS ONE.
Lift off: 1:10
Jesus christ sounds got loud quick
1:40
A Brief.. experience, is all that I can say. I felt as if I were in a chair, being guifded. it happens even now as I typ. When my eyes are ckised, NNy aubkutr ri derjdl, sids a =jiuyrny of every sensatuon the room beyond my monito is endless, Ppeople lurk behind it.
Mild visual disturbances. Nothing else.
2:20 am. Over an hour has passed. The medication has passed. 2 will no longer provide.
2:35 Now, finally, I am tired.
The only unusual experiences were visual, and only when I closed my eyes and relaxed to allow them to be experienced. 2 pills is nearing uselessness.
Lift off: 12:30
Ow ow ow my fuckin pants are burning me
1:45
Severa ---------- oabdeffghijlmnopqrstuvwxyyyyzy67uhgbnm,.lo976ythgfnvbqresg
I thought the pills were having less of an effect on me. But it looks as if though from these logs that that isn't true at all. In fact, they might be having MORE of an effect on me, in that I'm remembering less and less. The level of indecipherability and rapidness of onset of mental decay hasn't changed much. The only thing that has is how much I remember.. I used to be able to remember portions of the night, mainly from the beginning of the experience. Now, this short-term amnesia is creeping into the short-term memory that was created before I even took the pills for the night! I must even be forgetting what's going on before I've even gone to bed!
I was wrong. They're not getting weaker. I am. I've got to be careful.
Lift off: 1:10
Jesus christ sounds got loud quick
1:40
A Brief.. experience, is all that I can say. I felt as if I were in a chair, being guifded. it happens even now as I typ. When my eyes are ckised, NNy aubkutr ri derjdl, sids a =jiuyrny of every sensatuon the room beyond my monito is endless, Ppeople lurk behind it.
Mild visual disturbances. Nothing else.
2:20 am. Over an hour has passed. The medication has passed. 2 will no longer provide.
2:35 Now, finally, I am tired.
The only unusual experiences were visual, and only when I closed my eyes and relaxed to allow them to be experienced. 2 pills is nearing uselessness.
Lift off: 12:30
Ow ow ow my fuckin pants are burning me
1:45
Severa ---------- oabdeffghijlmnopqrstuvwxyyyyzy67uhgbnm,.lo976ythgfnvbqresg
I thought the pills were having less of an effect on me. But it looks as if though from these logs that that isn't true at all. In fact, they might be having MORE of an effect on me, in that I'm remembering less and less. The level of indecipherability and rapidness of onset of mental decay hasn't changed much. The only thing that has is how much I remember.. I used to be able to remember portions of the night, mainly from the beginning of the experience. Now, this short-term amnesia is creeping into the short-term memory that was created before I even took the pills for the night! I must even be forgetting what's going on before I've even gone to bed!
I was wrong. They're not getting weaker. I am. I've got to be careful.
30.3.12
Thursday, March 29th, 2012
11:55 PM
12:19 AM
In about 5 minutes it'll be half an hour. I feell.. something. but is it half an hour something?
'34\\\\\
we have gathered matertials that we shall need for our trip. The hshimmer. They shudder.IRhe power of a third noise. I can feel it.Tj le part of jt world, ksist lifeted p
12:35
It's nonsense. as much as I can lucidly say It's nonsense. but it follows it's own logic. Witness. and fear nothing.
,
,\,\\
12
Minor visual hallucinators. Small religious experience by comining kit \\ drugs to receurve a less intense whatever
.It was dreams. it was before.. it's just like, you got a cup of coffee, and ii was a liefvI krrp vlodinh mu rurd, smf ejrm O fop, ftrs,df oggimk gmmmmmmmmmmmmmfjjjjjjjjjjjjjjmfuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
sigh.
2;45 AM. It is over. It's becoming inisidious. The kick is harder to tell. The end is a bit easier. Some physical quirks here and there with the typo,,s but that;s not much, I didn't do it right.iOt my tolerance is human
12:19 AM
In about 5 minutes it'll be half an hour. I feell.. something. but is it half an hour something?
'34\\\\\
we have gathered matertials that we shall need for our trip. The hshimmer. They shudder.IRhe power of a third noise. I can feel it.Tj le part of jt world, ksist lifeted p
12:35
It's nonsense. as much as I can lucidly say It's nonsense. but it follows it's own logic. Witness. and fear nothing.
,
,\,\\
12
Minor visual hallucinators. Small religious experience by comining kit \\ drugs to receurve a less intense whatever
.It was dreams. it was before.. it's just like, you got a cup of coffee, and ii was a liefvI krrp vlodinh mu rurd, smf ejrm O fop, ftrs,df oggimk gmmmmmmmmmmmmmfjjjjjjjjjjjjjjmfuuuuuuuuuuuuuun
sigh.
2;45 AM. It is over. It's becoming inisidious. The kick is harder to tell. The end is a bit easier. Some physical quirks here and there with the typo,,s but that;s not much, I didn't do it right.iOt my tolerance is human
29.3.12
Wednesday, March 28th, 2012
kill me. Icannot stop. I took them tonight because I rationalized if I didn't I would simply take them with the pair tomorrow.
12:25
I felt out of control. I was a punk doing what he was told. And the man who led my punk ass around was me.g Oain. I don't want paib... No pain. Nop ain.. Please..no.. painp,,,;'
12:29 one hour since I took the pills and I cannot feasibly say there was anything going on. Ther'es nothing going on. I'm just standing here
12:25
I felt out of control. I was a punk doing what he was told. And the man who led my punk ass around was me.g Oain. I don't want paib... No pain. Nop ain.. Please..no.. painp,,,;'
12:29 one hour since I took the pills and I cannot feasibly say there was anything going on. Ther'es nothing going on. I'm just standing here
Tuesday, March 27th, 2012
10:55 Attempting under the tongue.
11:05 Well this is disgusting and I woulda felt it already if I had just ingested it orally.
11:08 Too bitter, had to swallow. Put a bit of tomato sauce on my tongue to dull the taste. Guess we see if that did anything now. Going to wait an additional 10 minutes before drinking/eating.
11:26 resumed eating. No effects.
11:40 I am "high" but no visual or auditory changes. As far as I can see, it is in fact weaker than taking them normally.
12:01 tactile distortions are not occuring.
12:47 Sense of high continues. If I am right, it will diminish rapidly at 1 am.
1:10 There was a moment of brief tactile tactile distortion. Still no visual or auditory.
11:05 Well this is disgusting and I woulda felt it already if I had just ingested it orally.
11:08 Too bitter, had to swallow. Put a bit of tomato sauce on my tongue to dull the taste. Guess we see if that did anything now. Going to wait an additional 10 minutes before drinking/eating.
11:26 resumed eating. No effects.
11:40 I am "high" but no visual or auditory changes. As far as I can see, it is in fact weaker than taking them normally.
12:01 tactile distortions are not occuring.
12:47 Sense of high continues. If I am right, it will diminish rapidly at 1 am.
1:10 There was a moment of brief tactile tactile distortion. Still no visual or auditory.
Monday, March 26th
12:45 A bit lightheaded. Don't feel too out of it. More social.
12:46 Added 2 tablets Hydro HXL Tingly. Nervus. Ecited.
1:12 Arguing with a man who doesn't exist over the value of am honest feeling.That was a very good categorizing of the different types.
1:34 Drugged sensation. No sensation of total blackness. No visual or auditory distortions. Nothing. It might as well be over. Makes sense. Half-lives. 2 hours.. half of it's gone by now. So will be less drugged.] the moments I felt earlier was the peak. I have grown tolerance of this.
I will need to sleep without it.
Tomorrow
1:42 I am very much "High", however.
2:09 Still high
12:46 Added 2 tablets Hydro HXL Tingly. Nervus. Ecited.
1:12 Arguing with a man who doesn't exist over the value of am honest feeling.That was a very good categorizing of the different types.
1:34 Drugged sensation. No sensation of total blackness. No visual or auditory distortions. Nothing. It might as well be over. Makes sense. Half-lives. 2 hours.. half of it's gone by now. So will be less drugged.] the moments I felt earlier was the peak. I have grown tolerance of this.
I will need to sleep without it.
Tomorrow
1:42 I am very much "High", however.
2:09 Still high
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