Friday Morning, March 9th, 2012

2:25 Liftoff

Been a few days since I last did this, had to wait to get the new prescription filled. 60 tablets? Jesus christ on a stick. I mean, I'm.. I don't know. That's.. that's too many, even I cringe. Taking 2 a day for 30 days is guarandamnteed to lead into some godawful bad shit. Granted I was starting to take two a day anyways, but now that I've been off it for a while, I can see how much it was fucking with my head. It was like I was drugged sometimes during the day. Two is too much. Too much for real use. Too much for long term use.

Safe dosage is 1 tablet 3-5 times a week for no more than 2-3 weeks. This is 2, 7, 4. If I do this, this is going to fuck me up. This is going to hurt. This is stupid.

I've decided I've got to cut it back to 1 a night, somehow. I don't know how. I know I'm still taking two and will probably do so for a while. I've got to, in order to sleep. and my doctor knows best, right?

Right.. I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this. My time is limited, and so's my mind. I want to tell my story. I want to share that story, just once. To go through with it, to finish it, to end it, to tell a moral. And let it fly.. or fall. I don't imagine it'll be famous, but.. I want to do my best. I want to touch as many people as I can. I want them to know some part of me, some expression that's unique to me, that only I can create.

Despair and hope. Enjoying life. Accepting death. Overcoming limitations.

If my mind breaks, I can't tell the story as well. I have to hold back. I can't do 60 tablets in a month. I need to be able to use the full faculties of my mind. I've got to get out of this medicated haze before the fog rolls in.

2:33 End spiel

NO FUCK YOU I SEE WHAT'S REAL

2:43

Effects are clearly taking effect. Undulating visuals. No longer able to distinghusgh between things.Th The pony is behind this paper. This pwper is kjust a paper.rrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa